Pimp my blog

Having "pimped my blog" (thanks to the Robbo's for that phrase), I decided it was about time I added some photos! As I didn't really want to scare people away, I thought I'd use photos of my tortoises, rather than me!

While I was sorting through some piccies, I started to worry that I'd look a complete twat if some bright spark then pointed out that Reggie was a girl, and Lola was a boy! So I thought I'd better sex my tortoises (no rude remarks at that please!), and spent the next two hours trawling through webpages looking for ways to tell the difference - thank god it's easier in humans, eh?

Apparently, the male species have longer tails (again, no rude remarks) than the females. So poor Reggie and Lola were tipped onto their backs several times, much to their annoyance - I don't know what their problem was, I wouldn't be complaining, if I was so lucky!!! I couldn't actually work out what gender they were, which was really annoying... but then I found a webpage that confirmed you couldn't really tell until they were about 5yrs old - so got a few years to go yet!

But, you know how it is, you start one thing, get distracted etc.... on one of the webpages, there was a chart (similar to the BMI charts) for Hermman Tortoises, indicating if they were a healthy weight or not, taking their length and weight into consideration. I am now DEVASTATED! Apparently Lola is Dangerously Underweight... and Reggie is also underweight. Of course, I did the first thing that came into my head, and phoned my dad!!! Knowing that humour often alleviates stress, he made some joke about reporting me to the RSPCA! [shakes head in disbelief] At that point, the poor man got the FULL extent of my PMS: "oh don't say that [sniff, sniff ] you know I LOVE [gulp, sniff ] my babies, how c-c-c-c-could you [sob, sob] say that" oops! Sensibly, at this point, he chose not to say "are you due on?"

I then spent the next hour or so trawling round garden centres trying to find different "treats" that my babies would eat, and then trying to get them to eat them! I even ripped catcus leaves off for them, so they could scoop out the middle, while I tried getting all the needles out of my fingers with tweezers - apologies for any spelling mistakes, very tender fingers today! Lola seemed to like her prickly pear, but Reggie was more interested in the cuttle fish! At least he know's what he's meant to do with it! So now I've emailed The Tortoise Shop to see if they can give me some advice, as I am completely stressing that I am a shite mother! And to think I thought I was giving them too much food, as they always had food left over!!!

Finally, I went round to see my dad, armed with some Hot X Buns, as an apology - only to find he now has man-flu, and cannot swallow anything!!! [before you go there, that's my dad we're talking about!]