ungrateful bitch, that's me...

Well T.F. I mowed the lawns yesterday!

There was I, on my day off, clearing up the cat shite off my flower beds (another reason not to have a garden), when all of a sudden it started raining - I just got soaked!!!! Still, at least I don't have to do the killer uphill journey in the rain today, although can't say that's not going to happen tomorrow!

Spoke to the Lovely-Sue-Sister-in-Law yesterday, and she's happily taking this birthday's unwanted present*. Well, when I say "happily".... I think the phrases "don't you dare" and "not in a million years" were actually said... I'm still going to save it and wrap it up for her (tee hee)... don't worry folks, I'll have my camera ready!!!!

* unwanted present = can't go in to this ongoing saga on here, just in case.... but will spill-all willingly next time I speak to any of you!!!

The apprentice

We're doing a sweepstake at work for the Apprentice - okay, okay, we were bored that day!!!!

Anyway, guess who ended up with the mad woman, who got sectioned a couple of years ago????

Lawns

When I lived in a flat in Westcliff, I used to dream of having a nice garden so I could do loads of gardening and sit outside in the summer.

Now I dream of NOT having to mow my lawns every week! I am rubbish at doing this, I start off with every good intention of having nice straight lawn stripes, completely forgetting how uneven and rubbish my lawns are! I end up using the flymo like a hoover (but not my lovely Dyson) just to get the grass cut - and then I can't be arsed to strim the edges, so it never looks particulary good anyway! And to get it's own back, my garden then gives me a bout of hay fever!

I'm thinking I might just get the lawn dug up and lay astro turf! Do cats shit in that, does anyone know?

Ladies, don't y'all be getting jealous now....

... but Jude Law was filming outside our new offices today!

I'm definitely in the "couldn't give a fek, let alone want to" camp when it comes to Mr Law, which must make me in the minority, judging by the swooning ladies in the office! I think it was very inconsiderate of Mr Law to use this location. The last thing I wanted to be doing was stepping over hyperventilating women (and some men) on the way to the toilets, especially as the one's on our floor weren't working, so I had even further to go! I mean, I ask you, try doing a blooming assault course with your legs crossed!

I already feel happy with the building, although a lot of things don't seem to be working yet. It's much more relaxed than the pompous HQ - I can't be dealing with all that "best behaviour" lark!

I was really pleased, because the walk from the station didn't take as long as I expected, but then I totally fekked up on the way back, because I forgot it was all UPHILL, which takes twice as long, so very nearly missed my train!

Legs ache now - all that stepping over and stepping up! Must get some Radox tomorrow!

still not done

I am a lazy lazy cow! I spent the morning cleaning, and then gave up! Weeeeeell, I did have one less hour to do it in! Thank god spring lasts longer than one weekend!

New office tomorrow, which means MORE tidying and cleaning!

Great!

Spring

Even though the weather is freezing me bits off, spring is apparently already here, which means time for spring cleaning....Oh joy of joys!

Surprisingly, I was motivated enough this morning to start this. My enthusiasm turned into major boredom after about 5 minutes, so I stopped to read the paper. Then I started the cleaning again, only to stop about 5 minutes later, because obviously the music I was listening to was ALL wrong, and needed to be changed. Then I just HAD to check everyone's blogs... then I thought it would be better if I had a shower before I cleaned the bathroom. Then it was only polite that I spend the next 2 hours chatting to Lady P.

Anyway, by the time I'd run out of things to distract me, I'd completely lost motiviation for the big spring clean. So it's all gone a bit half-hearted, and my house now looks dirtier and messier than it did before I started. And now I really CANNOT be arsed to finish it.

I think I'm just going to throw everything back in cupboards, and hope no-one ever opens them, like EVER.

Goodbye docklands

Today should have been one of the more stressful days at work, with the whole moving buildings lark. However, it was a surprisingly stress-free and enjoyable day! We were actually allowed to wear jeans for casual dress - because the Docklands office is the HQ, a casual dress day usually means men can take their ties off, but apart from that, the normal dress code applies!

Having to pack up all our desks and work so early, also meant we couldn't actually do anything for the majority of the day... another reason to enjoy the day!

Someone found a fake finger, stuck it to their hand, and spent about an hour trying to make all the girlies squeal! I got pelted by elastic bands for about half an hour, then when I retaliated, I got accused of "not playing nicely" because I was pinging them too hard!!!! Blimey, I was more suprised they reached the intended target! Some men are such girls!

And then to top if off, our top-bod boss actually ordered in a load of booze, including bottles of beer, and everyone was allowed to drink at their desks!!!

A very surreal day!

Hissy fit

Ooops, threw a little bit of an email strop this morning...

One of my friends sent through a link about the Dangers of Hopi Ear Candling, which is a kind of hippy-shit alternative health treatment that I particularly love! This article was basically ripping the procedure to shreds, and ranting on about how dangerous it was. But the arguments "against" this treatment all revolved around stupid twats who'd tried to "treat" themselves using home-made or substandard candles, such as rolled up newspapers or candles soaked in paraffin! Most of the references/ case scenarios in this article dated to the early 90's, and the most recent one was dated 2005 - a 59 year old woman, while trying to treat herself, suffered severe burns when the candle fell out of her ear and set fire to her bedding.... well wtf did these people expect to happen?

Anyway, it didn't help that I read this article first thing this morning, which wasn't a particularly good time, as even that early, I was managing to have a bad day... Reggie and Lola wouldn't get out of their baths, I'd nearly missed my train, then annoying shyster with loud music sat next to me so couldn't snooze, then DLR stood outside a station for aaaages etc. Needless to say, I wasn't in the best frame of mind... I fired off a quick email, then sat stewing on it for about 5 minutes, then thought of something else to say, so fired off another email etc... And after I'd had a cup of tea, calmed down etc, I started getting annoyed at myself for not following the cardinal rule ie don't send an email when you're angry! So I then had to send ANOTHER email apologising for the previous spunky ones! And this is without me being hormonal!

Anyway, last day in tower (HQ) tomorrow, before the big weekend move.... God, that means I'm going to have to clean out my desk... fek knows what I'm going to find in there....!

Hurrah for the workmen

Ahhhh, the nice men came at last... I'm a sucker for manners, charm and a nice big smile....

AND, they did it for £40 cheaper than the original quote... obviously by that time I was like putty!

Hmmm, that probably accounts for the speed with which they retreated!

Impatient me

I really am the worlds most impatient person! I've left work early as a "workman" is coming round (no top-shelf comments, please) to fit a new TV Ariel. He's meant to be here after 3pm, and he hasn't arrived yet! Obviously I have chosen to ignore the fact they said AFTER 3pm, when I should just be grateful they didn't say "sorry, we can't give a time," which is REALLY annoying...

Great, it's just this minute started to snow, so he probably won't turn up at all now!

Catchy uppy

Cooooo-eeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm back! I'd love to say that my absence has been down to the exciting life I lead, but, sadly, it's just down to me being a lazy fekker!

It has been a NIGHTMARE at work - we're getting ready to move buildings, and everything is manic.... been sooooo tiring. I didn't leave work til late yesterday, and actually fell asleep (not just a gentle snooze) on the train on the way home, but luckily two hoodies woke me up with their rubbishy loud music, and slurred conversation..... otherwise I would have ended up back at Fenchurch Street... never thought I'd be grateful to two little boys who names, apparently, were C*nt and F**ker.

Oh and guess who's been market whoring again?!?!? Hmm, well, that wasn't a difficult question, but you're right, it was me! No major bargains this time though!

Lola has been slapping Reggie into shape, for a change.... cheeky sod even grabbed the lettuce leaf out of his mouth. Thing is, she was doing really well at re-asserting herself as number 1 tortoise, then she tried climbing over an extension lead, and managed to flip herself over. So, after all that effort, she was just stuck upside down, rocking like a wheeble... how did she expect Reggie to take her serious after that, eh? So I rescued her, and how does she pay me back? By doing a nice big puddle in front of me! Gee thanks!

Boom boom

Lucky me, I have received this weeks joke text early... for those of you not lucky enough to have seen it, here goes:

"I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread the other day, but when I got closer, it actually said THICK CUT"

How very drole - who does think these up, eh?

I am now thinking that my "cold" is actually the start of this year's hayfever! Which is not a better option actually, as it means I will have this for 6 months, rather than a few days! And to top that, and the continuing spot saga, my right eye started spouting out a load of gunk yesterday - gross! Seems to have stopped today thankfully as was beginning to make me want to vomit! I am quite literally falling to bits, and am starting to panic that this might be the start of middle-age!

Of all the little ungrateful critters...

Seeing as it was a lovely spring morning, I thought I'd let Reggie have his first trip to the back garden! Lola didn't want to come, too tired apparently! Eaten too much, more like!

Reggie seemed to love it... trying to fight his way through the blades of grass and clover (grantedly I probably should have mowed the lawn first, but hey, that's exercise) - lazy as ever, I couldn't be arsed to get the outdoor pen out of the shed, so I just let him wander round the lawn for a bit...

After about 15 mins, thought it was about time he came back in, so I picked him up and he hissed at me!!!! Outrageous!

And then when I put him down on their bedroom floor, he stormed off under the computer desk (Lola's hiding place) and is now trying to "mount" Lola! Such a disgraceful boy. I thought I'd created a monster in Lola, but Reggie's much more rebellious! Luckily Lola's got a bit of savvy, and turned her "ladybits" to the wall....

I've now moved him away from her, and plonked him down in front of some food, which seems to be enough of a distraction - men have such tiny brains!

Poor me

Bad news - my body was invaded by the snot monster while I was asleep! That's bad enough, but the invasion means I cannot sleep now, cos every time i lay down, I cannot breathe!!! And now, not only will I have a braille face, but my nose will light up like a big bright red beacon, highlighting my appalling skin! I am not best pleased!

The lovely Mrs Miggins is now compiling the "shouldn't but do" fancy list, so click the link if you're brave enough to admit to yours, like Michael Fish, for example...you know who you are ;o)

Was discussing this with my colleagues yesterday as we were all leaving - the girls were right there with me, but the boys contributions were more along the lines of "my mate's ex" or "my buddies mum"... oh bless their cottons!

God, now my ears feel like they're under water!!!! I am going to be in SUCH a bad mood later!

Spotwatch - update

Breadrins (Alan - check the urban dictionary for that one)

I think I may need help! I've suddenly realised that I love my Dyson so much, that I haven't actually been using it, just opening up the cupboard door and looking at it with a happy smiley face! I am such a twat at times....!

So far I have ruled out chicken pox, shingles, measles, small pox and Lyme disease, but am no closer to finding out why, after 36 days, I still have a braille-face! I am consulting lawyers next week to get some form of eviction notice to serve the little brailley blighters! Mind you, for all I know the little blighters might actually spell Fek u, we're here to stay!

4 weeks and 6 days to go for the next episode of Heroes - and have not bitten my nails off yet, so seem to be coping okay! Although I think giving up smoking might have been easier!

oooo, get to go and use my dyson now! So ain't y'all jealous of my life, eh?

Monday

I had to go to Kent on Monday, and my lovely daddy drove me down there. Now, I love spending time with him, but his in-car entertainment really does my head in! He either has Radio 2 blasting out so loudly that you can't talk, or has it so low, that it becomes white noise in the background. And then just as you start getting used to the crackling sound, the traffic bulletin blares out on full blast and scares the life out of you! Anyway, I was FULLY prepared for the drive this time, and saved up all my podcasts so we could listen to them instead! My dad is now a bigger fan of Russell Brand than I am!

Before we set off, I managed to spend some time playing the jumper-climbing game with Reggie and Lola! They had their first proper fight, I'm sorry to say. Reggie accidentally trod on Lola's front paw, so Lola slapped him round the face with her other paw (not kidding). Reggie obviously didn't like this, and slapped her back! Lola retaliated etc so I had to separate them! I've never seen anything like it! They're friends again now though!

Turns out we'd been given duff information about Heroes, there WAS another episode on Monday, so it's only 5 weeks to wait now! Wasn't as good as last weeks though!

No more heroes

The Lovely Gina Robbo has just phoned me to break the bad news..... no more Heroes for 6 weeks!!!!! [Actually, she did email me the other day, but I completely misread it and thought it was on for another week!]

I am devastated! I feel nearly as bad as I did when Buffy died! Of course, when Buffy died, I fell into complete depression and ate my way through a whole tub of Hagaan das, in between wails, sniffs and blubs [such a girl!]...

Not crying yet, but feeling very hormonal, so may have to go out and buy a super-size box of tissues!!!!

It's a first....

Blimey, I spent the majority of the day with me mam (she's from Scouseland), and we didn't have a row, and I didn't lose my temper, and she made me lunch... well, I say that, but I actually brought the food with me... but in fairness, she did put it on the plates nicely. Oh, and I did nearly lose my cool with her in the garden centre.... I bought an hibiscus tree for my garden (food for my babies), and it was bleeding heavy, so I asked her to run ahead and open the car.... and she sets off at a pace that even Lola could beat! I think it was only the fact that it was so fekking heavy that I didn't have enough surplus energy to snap at her as I staggered past!

Went to Pitsea market this morning - I am turning into a market whore - but didn't get any great bargains this week [btw, still love my Dyson]. Also let Reggie and Lola out so we could all play games, for my own amusement, obviously. My favourite game at the moment is to see which of them can climb up my jumper the quickest! Today Lola beat Reggie 4 -1... that's my girl! And she climbed over him, slapping his forehead with her front paw as she went over... getting her own back, no doubt! I tried racing them on my treatment couch, but they kept going in different directions, and I realised they might fall off, which put pay to that bit of fun!!

Just watched Fame Academy - I love sleb reality tv! And how great is it to see Claudia Winkleman on the main show? She's so much better than Davina and Kate, and certainly better than Cat "still not got a boyfriend" Deeley (as Steve Allen would say). I LOVED Tara's performance - what was she on??? And Mel unpronounceable name was also very funny, as was that comedy actress who's name I can't remember! But Barry from Eastenders is taking it all WAY TOO seriously - obviously wants the record deal! WRONG PROGRAMME BARRY!

SKY1 RIP

Can't believe Sky have been such shysters about the price they want to charge Virgin Media - apart from Lost and 24 (I love Jack Bauer) they haven't even got that great a schedule these days anyway!

Thank Gawd I wasn't watching Heroes on Sky1 - although now I'm going to have to wait til dvd release to find out if Jack saves the day (again)!!!