Beaker's Decorating tips - part 3

Number 18

Although I would recommend a well-aired room whilst decorating, I would strongly suggest that if you are using yellow paint, you do not allow a white fluffy haired cat to wander in through an open patio door and try to climb onto your lap, no matter how ugly your friends think he is.

He may, indeed, want this year's cat-trend of blonde streak in his tail, but you have to think of the finished effect of your paintwork, and move him away from the walls.

Disclaimer - no cats were harmed during the discovery of this useful tip

Spreading a smile campaign - update

After not much consideration, I have decided to exclude other people's cats from my random acts of kindness, and smile campaign.

This was after spending 10 minutes having to hand-feed Stalker Cat, who is getting WAY above his station, and then realising that I now have a third cat stalking me!

Please note:

When people phone me up, they always say "hello, it's me"... I'm useless at recognising voices, and never immediately work out who "me" is. Obviously I always reply, "oh hello," with a tone that implies I know who I'm speaking to, while I frantically try and figure out from the conversation who "me" is - strangely, people always sound so offended if you ask who "me" is!

Of course, I have absolutely no chance of working out who "me" is, when you've dialled the wrong number.

Spare a thought for a poor confused girlie, won'tcha!

Beaker's decorating tips - part 2

Number 17 -
If you do not wish to feel (or look) like you have been in a sandstorm in the Sahara, or smoked 20 fags in 1 hour, I would strongly recommend you wear glasses and a face mask whilst using an electric sander. In fact, I would probably recommend you forgo the sanding, and just put up with how it currently is! Unless, of course, you can get someone to do it for you!

Karma

After spending most of the day yesterday drafting some poxy response for one of our compliance teams, I realised that it "just wasn't happening", so decided to leave it til this morning, to let a refreshed brain { yes Mrs Robbo, I do have a functioning one, after that comment you made earlier, grrrrr ;o) } take a look. On my way home last night, I picked up dropped items for passersby, held doors open for people, gave way to commuters etc, and tried not to think about this draft.

Today, I went into work, managed to re-write the document in about 30 mins, giving me enough time to finish other outstanding pieces of work, before going across London to a systems training course. The course went well, the nice chappie training us gave me a bottle of wine, let us out earlier than expected, and when I got to the station, a train was just about to leave, and I managed to get on that without breaking a sweat, arriving home an hour earlier!

So, did my day go well today because I was nice to people yesterday, or, when you are nice to people, does it make you feel good, which means you don't get all pee-d off and bitter about meaningless things? Or was it just that I fell "off the wagon" and had a diet coke at lunch time? {see, I just slipped that in, but I don't think anyone noticed}

I think I am going to make more of an effort to be nice to strangers, and people I know, just in case it's a karmic thing. NB - obviously if people are nasty, or spiteful, then they've chosen to opt out of becoming a beneficiary of the "spread a smile" campaign

So let's hope this lasts longer than my "I'm giving up Diet Coke" idea - oh come on, I must've done over a month without that, and it was only a teeny weeny bottle... and I'm not back on it for good, it was only one, honest guv!

I love Bank Holiday weekends

When you are working Mon-Fri, and commuting, it's really easy to lose your weekend by catching up with all the stuff you've neglected during the week - ie gardening/ housework/ shopping/ family & friends/ X-factor etc. That extra day just makes you feel like you've got on top of everything again!

The only problem is, when you get back to work, it's like having double Monday morning tiredness! And for some strange reason, 4 day weeks always seem longer!

Doesn't help that I've got decorating muscle ache!

Now, where's that Radox?

Back to work tomorrow!!!

Well, I've nearly finished decorating the front room! Would have been COMPLETED, if it were not for the fact that I ran out of paint! D'oh!

I saw Transformers this weekend - and have spent the rest of the weekend trying to work out what electrical items in my house are "robots in disguise!" I blame the paint fumes! But seriously, it was like watching one of the cartoons! I love Optimus Prime!

Would love to stop and chat, but I've got to tidy up the paint pots before I crash!

p.s. Only 5 bristles escaped from my paint brush, which was pretty good going, seeing as it was meant to be one of those brushes which DOESN'T lose any!

Birthdays

I was watching some programme on BBC1 tonight, and they asked "how many people do you think you would need to ask, before you found 2 people with the same birthday?"

Having always been extremely annoyed that the one 'famous' person (or only other person I know of) who shares my birthday is Mariah bleeding Carey, I thought the answer was likely to be 100's, but apparently, it's only 35!

A reporter conducted an experiment to prove this theory. Firstly he asked a female passerby what she thought, and she went along the lines of 100's. He then bet her £20 that it would be less than 35! She agreed, and they proceeded to stop other people and mark off their birthdays on a calender. As this was going on, I thought "Grrrr Mariah Carey. Grrr!"

By the time they were up to about 25 passers by, the woman was feeling very confident that she was going to be £20 better off! A few people more, and they got a direct match!

And guess what the birthday was??? 27th March. Which is my one!

So ner to Mariah!

Talk about spoilt!

Over the last couple of months, I've been trying to vary the little 'uns diets, so they're not just eating lettuce all the time!

As they're still really small, their tiny mouths aren't always strong enough to chomp through raw vegetables, so I thought I'd try them on some cooked runner beans! They loved them!

So, this morning, I ran a couple of runner beans through the runner bean cutter, so they could try them raw, and they'd be cut thinly enough for them to bite!

Little swines have turned their noses up at them! So looks like I'll be blanching all their veg from now on!!!! It's never easy being a mum!

Sums it up really...!

"miaow," says Stalker Cat pitifully, as he gazes through my patio door, with those big sad yellow eyes! "miaow, let me in, please, I'm from a broken home, I need some love, miaow"

So, being a softie, I let him in, expecting nothing (but a little bit of gratitude, mind you).

Stalker Cat then marches to the front door, and with a change in tone that says "oi bitch, do as I say" demands to be let out!

So, I have gone from fostering the poor thing, while his parents were going through a bad patch, to being nothing but a thoroughfare!

Outrageous!

Decisions!

I have a very tough choice tonight. Do I crack on with the decorating, or do my ironing?

Or, I could even sit and try and "convert" some more of my iTunes library so they can get off that poxy AAC format onto a more generic one! Damn, wish I hadn't thought about that, I've just managed to put myself in a bad mood - d'oh!

Breaking news!

During my last couple of blogging entries, a couple of inmates broke through the barricades of the tortoise holding area, and were "on the run".

Luckily, due to the vigilance of a law abiding citizen, the tortoises were captured relatively close to the escape point. They have been taken back to the holding area, where they will be kept in solitary confinement for the foreseeable future!

A witness reported hearing a 'thud' as the barricades were broken, and then slow moving footsteps away from the scene.

An enquiry will be held into the security failings of this establishment.

How chic

Having only recently realised that Kara-Louise (BB8) and Rogue (Xmen) are not the same person, I decided to completely ignore Beaker's Decorating Tips while painting the ceiling.

I now have a white stripe in my hair, just like theirs!

Shock! Horror!

Britney in lezzer shock!

How is that a shock?? I find it more shocking that she ever found K-Fed attractive!?!?

If I had to, I would chose a woman rather than that weasel! I wouldn't even with yours!

Soooooooo..........

........ who can explain to me how you'd discover that you can play the Hawaiin Guitar using your nose???

It's back!!!!

I can't believe it's back!!! I am soooooo happy!

Reality TV at it's best = The X Factor!!!

So that means every Saturday night until Christmas, I will be staying in to watch telly!

Er, which probably isn't any different from any other Saturday....!

Beaker's decorating tips!

1. Where possible, get someone else to do it for you, even if you have to pay them, or beg in a really humiliating fashion!
2. If number 1 not possible, then decide if it's really necessary to do the decorating, I mean, can't you just live with it a while longer?!?!
3. If number 1 and number 2 not possible, make sure you prepare the surfaces, with sugar soap, sanding down, dusting etc!
4. Once the walls are washed, revisit number 2 - sometimes those walls just need a bit of a "clean"!
5. Revisit number 1
6. Remember to cover all furniture, flooring, and preferably your hair too!
7. Stir paint, and then, using a really good paint brush that doesn't lose bristles, paint required surfaces in this order: Ceilings, woodwork, walls. NB - if, like me, you can't be bothered to clean brushes, just make do with cheap ones, and throw them away afterwards, but, just be aware you will need to pick stray bristles out of your paintwork
8. Wait for it to dry - go out and do some shopping. NB - remember to check you do not have paint splatters all over your face
9. Do not bother using radiator paint. Go to Homebase (other DIY stores are available) and purchase some radiator paint in an aerosol can. Remember to use in a well ventilated room, or else you will start to believe that you can fly with R-Kelly.
10. Get halfway through the room, and think, "wtf was I thinking, doing all this decorating?"
11. Try puppy eyes on your dad (didn't work)
12. Sulk
13. Overeat
14. Realise you still have to finish the fekking decorating, but it's OK, cos it's raining, so you can't do anything else anyway!
15. Remember you have a computer and broadband.
16. Forget about decorating, while you surf the world wide web!

Best laid plans!

Ok, so the day hasn't gone quite as I planned it to! But oh well... looks like I may have found a carpet for downstairs, though, so I really MUST get my butt in gear and finish the decorating pretty damn soon!

Also, I was very surprised to find a very pretty black cat sitting on my couch today! And then a tortoiseshell one trying to get in, later in the day!

I am fast turning into catwoman - bleeding wish I was, I'd kill for that figure!!!

Where's the motivation when you need it?

I've got the rest of the week off work, and I intended to get up early this morning, and carry on decorating the lounge.

Rather unsurprisingly, when I woke up early this morning, I thought "bugger this, I'm staying in bed" and only got up about an hour ago! And that was only because Stalker Cat was literally HOWLING outside my back door! He got a nice groom for that, so no doubt he'll never be doing that again!

So am I going to do some more decorating now? Am I f.? Nope, I'm going to get a hair bash, then toodle off round the shops, and slob out for the rest of the day!

Today, I am perfectly comfortable with my lazy cow status!

My iTunes library

I've just deleted all the files in my iTunes library. This is because I realised I'd completely twatted up, and got everything under the wrong names blah blah blah.

Thought it was easier to just start over, than try and sort it out. But of course, now I've realised that I've got to burn them all again, so I've fekked up good and proper this time!

Remind me why iPods are meant to be a good invention?!?!?!?

Automatic updates!

Now, much as I love my 20gb ipod, it's a bit big, bulky and heavy - and sometimes I just want to carry my little lightweight 1gb mp3 player with me. So, last night, I downloaded loads of tracks onto it, all ready for my commute!

I'm sure you can imagine how annoyed I was this morning, when none of the tracks played! Grrrr! And what made it even more annoying, was that I could see them on the mp3 player in the removable disk drive, but they just weren't showing in the menu! Double GRRRR!

It would appear that Apple are now using .AAC format for iTunes (god knows what this is), but it's not compatible with MP3 players! Why, oh why, do these companies insist on doing this???? Yes, I know it's so we have to go out and buy software etc from them! And how the frick do they expect 30 somethings like me to understand what codecs are?!?!

Aaaaargh! Is all I have left to say on the matter!

I don't know....

.....I leave my babies alone for 5 minutes!

When my two little 'uns are out of their pens, I leave a bath mat on the floor under their water dish, so if they make a mess it soaks up, and they can also snuggle under it if they want a snooze!

Well, today, little Lola managed to move the mat in such a way that she was able to climb up it, and onto the bottom shelf of the book case!

I came into the room in time to see her dive-bomb off the bottom shelf onto the floor, nearly 3 inches below!

And that's why you don't leave your kids unsupervised!!!

My psychic abilities

Fresh from the realisation that I am a "cat whisperer", I have realised I have the ability to connect with Reggie the tortoise on a psychic level.

There was I, looking down at my bare toes thinking that I needed to book a pedicure, as my toes were looking a bit grim.... and then, Reggie came over and started trying to bite my toes!

I must write a book about these newfound abilities, think of all the offers I'm going to get from Hollywood!!!

Quick catch-up

After a long break, I went market whoring in North Weald today! Ah, it felt like I'd never been away!!!! Lovely bargains, where for art thou?

Stalker Cat came running down the street when he saw me arrive home, it was almost in slow motion... ah!!!!! Poor ickle fing looked very sorry for himself. Turns out he's FINALLY been to the vet to have the horrible fur balls shaved off. He's not as fluffy as he used to be, and you'd think he'd be grateful in this heat, but 'oh no!' he's gone back to barely letting you get near him!

I've got a couple of days off work next week, so I can do some decorating, allegedly. But seeing as I have a pile of "dvds to view", something tells me it ain't gonna get done! Volunteers apply within.

So now I will aim to wash some walls down - because apparently "it's all in the preparation"!!!!!

Lovely weekend

I actually had a rather lovely, and productive weekend! I finally finished decorating the hallway, thank gawd, and managed to do a ton of gardening while it was still cool enough to move!

The lovely Mrs Robbo then joined me for a Sunday afternoon gossip session, which was nice and relaxing. Luckily she was content with an effortless cheese & onion sarnie, as it was WAY TOO HOT to cook!

And Mrs Robbo was kind enough to humour me while I prattled on about how Stalker Cat "wasn't now my cat," and that "his owners would be taking him back any day," whilst he was sitting on my lap eating treats out of my hand!!

In the evening, one of my other buddies dropped by. Stalker Cat, having spent most of the day coming and going, decided to bring me a feather, in the most dramatic way he could think of... picture this: the patio doors were open, but the vertical blinds were shut, when suddenly, Stalker Cat bursts through 2 slats (like a dog jumping through a burning hoop), only to get caught by the little ropes that join the bottom of the slats. Quite frankly, he just looked really "uncool"!!!

I practised some of my reflexology on my buddy, and was put in my place in a very assertive way when I tried to explain that his feet were telling me he was having a few problems with his bowels! Although I was UBER sympathetic, when I found out later that he'd had the "runs" when he got home, there was a little smug part of me thinking "the feet never lie"!!!

Be warned!

What is Russell Grant implying????

These, apparently, are my stars for tomorrow:

Aries (Mar21-Apr20) If you'd like to transform your body, begin today. Overhaul your diet and exercise regime with the help of a medical professional. By this time next year, you won't be able to recognise yourself. You'll be great at getting in shape and increasing your endurance. You could attract a lot of favourable attention from this metamorphosis. If you're looking for work, you could find an opportunity in pharmaceuticals, vitamins, or agriculture.

Let me just repeat "with the help of a medical professional" - is he trying to say I need cosmetic surgery?!?!

Outrageous!

Lightweight!!!!!

My sister-in-law is officially a bad influence on me!

I met her and my big bruv yesterday for a "catch-up" after work, and within 2 minutes I had a Brandy and Ginger in front of me! I rarely drink.... and it showed. Cheap date springs to mind!

We ended up in a Tapas bar, which was Yum!

I have to confess, even after only having a few, I was a bit tipsy, and I think my bruv started to feel all responsible and big brotherly, because he insisted on making sure I got to the station (obviously I am not believing that it's because he didn't think I was capable of getting there on my own!)

Managed to embarrass myself, because as I was walking down the platform, I looked through the train window, and thought I saw an old friend. I banged on the window, and as I was doing a big cheesy grin and waving frantically, I suddenly realised that I didn't know them after all! oops!

Then, as I was getting off the train the other end, I got accosted by the happy drunk who couldn't stop giggling, and could barely stand! Typical of me getting the nutter, wanting to strike up a slurred conversation about nothing! Mind you, it was worth it, because as we were walking out of the station, he completely misjudged the gate, and walked into the post! That's going to be a U.D.I (unidentified drinking injury) in the morning!

So a good night - and hey, I couldn't have been TOO drunk, as I didn't phone up my ex and tell him I LUURRRVVVE him, which *ahem* obviously ladies never do!

One girl and her stalker cat!

I am turning into a "Cat Whisperer"

Stalker Cat has just let me brush him (not his tummy or his tail though) without growling or scratching.... okay, so I was armed with a load of cat treats, but still!

Someone phone ITV for me, I'm sure we can get a series out of this!