Beaker's decorating tips!

1. Where possible, get someone else to do it for you, even if you have to pay them, or beg in a really humiliating fashion!
2. If number 1 not possible, then decide if it's really necessary to do the decorating, I mean, can't you just live with it a while longer?!?!
3. If number 1 and number 2 not possible, make sure you prepare the surfaces, with sugar soap, sanding down, dusting etc!
4. Once the walls are washed, revisit number 2 - sometimes those walls just need a bit of a "clean"!
5. Revisit number 1
6. Remember to cover all furniture, flooring, and preferably your hair too!
7. Stir paint, and then, using a really good paint brush that doesn't lose bristles, paint required surfaces in this order: Ceilings, woodwork, walls. NB - if, like me, you can't be bothered to clean brushes, just make do with cheap ones, and throw them away afterwards, but, just be aware you will need to pick stray bristles out of your paintwork
8. Wait for it to dry - go out and do some shopping. NB - remember to check you do not have paint splatters all over your face
9. Do not bother using radiator paint. Go to Homebase (other DIY stores are available) and purchase some radiator paint in an aerosol can. Remember to use in a well ventilated room, or else you will start to believe that you can fly with R-Kelly.
10. Get halfway through the room, and think, "wtf was I thinking, doing all this decorating?"
11. Try puppy eyes on your dad (didn't work)
12. Sulk
13. Overeat
14. Realise you still have to finish the fekking decorating, but it's OK, cos it's raining, so you can't do anything else anyway!
15. Remember you have a computer and broadband.
16. Forget about decorating, while you surf the world wide web!